Shop Truths, Phrases, Tales; and Outright Lies

[Toolmaker51]

THE DESIGNER

The designer bent across his board,
Such wonderful things in his head were stored.
And he said as he rubbed his throbbing bean,
"How can I make this thing hard to machine?
If this part here were only straight,
I'm sure the thing would work first rate.
But would be so easy to turn and bore,
It never would make the machinist sore.
I’ll put a right angle way down there,
Watch those babies tear their hair.
And I'll put the holes that hold the cap,
Under the ledge where they can’t tap.
Now this piece won't work, I'll bet a buck,
For it can't be held in vise or chuck.
It can't be drilled; it can't be ground,
In fact, the design is exceedingly sound!
He looks again and cried, "At last!
Success is mine, it can't even be cast."

Unknown Author or time period.
But we can imagine his line of work.

[C-Bag]

LOL!!!

Last wage slave tour they decided because THE most produced "machine" in a packing house install is a belt conveyor they would "simplify" the prints. And the the main difference was the drive and tail configurations. So a print would be of all the configirations possible and it was up to the "applications" engineer to cross out what didn't apply. And as you've probably guessed I got a print with ALL configurations crossed out.

I rolled this thing that was longer than I am tall and trudged up to engineering and unfurled it on the bosses desk and asked him what I should make. He looked both sides carefully several times and then just turned and stared at me. After a long a silent gaze I got the hint. I went down and assembled what was on the pallet. The "fix" was no more prints, at all. Ever. So if it was wrong there was never any doubt it was always our fault.

[Frank S]

Once there were 2 guys competing for the world's smallest high precision part award First a Japanese man made a roller that was 5 mm long 2 mm in diameter. This is what my state of the art Sumotomo CNC machining center is capable of making by the millions,
MY ,my MR Sumotomo that is impressive indeed said the judge.
The German man took it to his company chucked it up in his Boehringer VDF CNC then cut it in 2 pieces drilled and threaded 1 piece then turned down and threaded the second part and screwed them back together now the part was 4 mm long and 2 mm in diameter.
The judges said now that has to be the highest precision in the world
A 3rd guy said if you don't mind I'd like a shot at this. So he took it to his home garage machine shop where he took the 2 pieces apart chucked the first piece up in his WWII salvaged SB lathe with a 4 jaw chuck then proceeded to drill a hole right down the length of the threads then calculated on a piece of paper where the mating hole needed to be in the 2nd part afterwards he machined a tiny little pin to insert in the hole of the first part then re assembled the roller and took it back to the competition counter the next day.
Well I see you failed to do anything to this part said the judge except that now it won't come apart. So I must award the prize to MR Boehringer
Just a minute Sir, If I may, the 3rd man took the part then stood it vertical and tapped it on its end then carefully unscrewed the 2 parts . Afterwards he tipped one part over and a small highly polished lock pin fell out. My old vintage lathe may not be the fastest and it may not have all that fancy programming available but with a little ingenuity and a machinist who knows his business I'll put my old lathe up against anybody's in the world.
WHO are you SIR?
My name is O'Brien, John J.

[C-Bag]

I saw this somewhere years ago and all I remember was it was one of the engineers that was working with Jim Hall on his Chaparral race car.

It takes an engineer to make it complicated, and genius to make it simple.

I've tried ever since to KISS, keep it simple stupid, the other great axiom.

[PJs]

Nice thread guys! A little true story, close to home. Dad was a POL officer back in the late 50's early 60's and there was a huge problem with water in jet fuel, causing catastrophic failures particularly in cold weather climates and altitude. The engineers had built elaborate multi-screen filters down to 100 mesh but water was still a problem with moisture in solution. Dad did some research and we played with a few things in the shop, finally settling on the use of felt. Bottom line was Dads simple but elegant solution worked and it became the standard for the Air Force jet fuel systems and may still be today(?). My favorite saying he used to tell us was "a mouse built to government specs is an elephant".

I came into engineering backwards and probably for the best IMHO. Growing up in a home shop, making things we needed, fixing and making things better, competition U-Control model airplanes and hand launch gliders, experimented with chemistry, electronics, physics, and any other candle I could light. Then college (EE), then to retail for a few years then to turning a wrench professionally for 7 years (because they were laying off PhD EE's). Then back to school for mechanical, and CAD. Then turned a pencil until a few years ago. When I was a wrench I always said those Detroit engineers should never pick up a pencil till they worked on vehicles for at least 3 years. A 69' Cougar 390 with progressive tail lights is a perfect example. Second on my list is the Mopar "Lean Burn" system of the 70's.

As an engineering manager in my later years I coined the phrase "Simple Elegance" for our group and tried to instill it by example and praise with our designs for manufacturing. Unfortunately most company's want it yesterday and settle for quite a bit less, dumping it in the market before it reaches some semblance of that...and generally more costly than getting it right and clean first, IMHO.

As a minor hilarity I remember recommending a small ($300) but important software package back in the mid 80's and sitting in a staff meeting for over an hour giving all the details and listening to 7 other staff members hunt and peck around the idea for over an hour...then I said; How much has this meeting with staff members cost the company for the last hour and change? The boss looked at me kind of shocked and frowned then said buy it. Near as I remember there was probably $6-800/hour sitting there. Doh!

Thanks, ~PJ

[Toolmaker51]

I post occasionally on mechanical topics, maybe a little on music, or some humor, using telepathic means.
So, when a great idea pops into your head,you break out whistling, or laugh out loud;

It was probably me.

[PJs]

I had a feeling that was you...now get out of my head.

“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up
and hurry off as if nothing had happened.”
Winston Churchill

[Toolmaker51]

A HMT member uses this quote in his signature line, and I appreciate it's viewpoint. However, it seems a bit contrary to perception related by fellow HMT'ers.
“We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful. We have done so much, for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.”
― Konstantin Jireček

I'm tempted to offer small alterations to quote of Mr. K. Jireček.

“We, the willing, led by the unknowing, do the impossible for the ungrateful.
Having done so much, for so long, with so little, we are not only qualified, we now create anything for them from virtually nothing.”

In my estimation, existence of sites like HMT.net (& those co-linked to it), Practical Machinist.com, and other examples serve to reinforce it.

I'm soliciting for edits; tune it into something like a mission statement, not a lament. Also, please make suggestions what we'd like to post as the author.

[ToolMakerRob]

I agree completely, However I felt this time to keep the quote a quote, so I kept it original.

"We, the willing, led by the unknowing, have been doing the impossible, for the ungrateful for so long, with so little, we are now capable of creating anything with nothing."

-ToolMaker Rob

That is the modified version I made and used to use all the time. As a Toolmaker / Engineer it is definitely my favourite quote.

Brilliant Idea 51, I have since updated my sig to reflect it

[C-Bag]

While I was a wage slave I subscribed to all the above. But seeing as this is HomeMadeTools and I'm making stuff at home for me not "big boss man" my tune has changed. It now goes something like......

I, unwilling and unable to buy the too expensive, made by the unknowing Elsewhere, for the ungrateful who used to make it here, now make it out of cast offs that were too good to go in the landfill or shipped off to be recycled Elsewhere.

I am now able to make anything out of something because the creativity and ingenuity given to me by my elders and my fellow HMTers that can't be outsourced, only ignored or forgotten.