Shop Truths, Phrases, Tales; and Outright Lies

[Toolmaker51]

As marital aid, stretcher-shrinker is a far better facet of imaginative humor.
Many like to make up goofy phrases, I'm addicted. The payrate is worse than sparse.

[Toolmaker51]

2020

Despite being able write "2020" legibly on the Asti cork, I can't get a decent picture.
None the less HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL.
And may you all laugh at Y2K, twenty more times, minimum!

[Frank S]

here's hoping everyone has a safe and healthy year

[Toolmaker51]

May we digress; this found wandering. Few would search it...

Septic Tank Humor
Septic tanks pumped. Swimming pools filled. Not the same truck.
Do Not Flush: Sanitary Products, Used Diapers, Tissues & Q-Tips, Cotton Balls, Kittens & Puppies, Tiny Humans, Hopes & Dreams.
The grass is always greener over the septic tank. – Erma Bombeck
The only reason your neighbor’s grass is greener is because their septic tank is overflowing.

Naturally, in this business, got to have a truck with proper advertising

Back off! We ain’t hauling milk
We Haul Milk On The Weekends
Caution: Stool Bus
Your Number 2 is Our Number 1!
Number 1 in the Number 2 Business
Thanks for Flushing Our Business Down the Drain
A Flush Beats a Full House
Satisfaction Guaranteed or 110% of your product back
Hauling Political Promises
Back off! We ain't hauling milk.
Yesterday’s Meals On Wheels
You Think Your Job Stinks?
Virginia Pump and Motor Public Stools
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
The Turd Burglars
The Turdinator
Dr. Pumper – Septic Surgeons
Surrender The Poo (with Skull and crossbones of course)
Do You Really Want To Do This Yourself?
Money In The Tank
You Dump It… We Pump It!
Pumping Today For A Cleaner Tomorrow
Scratch and Sniff (over the pumping hose valve)

[Frank S]

I had a visitor from these forums today To preserve his anonymity I don't think I will mention his name but he started this thread.
Through the past several years he has provided us with quite a few inciteful and entertaining comments.
I thoughourly enjoyed our visit and he and I will be spending more time sharing tales tomorrow

[Toolmaker51]

I had a visitor from these forums today To preserve his anonymity I don't think I will mention his name but he started this thread.
Through the past several years he has provided us with quite a few inciteful and entertaining comments.
I thoughourly enjoyed our visit and he and I will be spending more time sharing tales tomorrow

What an incredible coincidence! Same week no less, dang near same thing happened to me.
The posts barely represent enormity of of his project.
Lol we had a blast.

[Toolmaker51]

COVID-19 notwithstanding......from my perspective not even a factor.

We all receive calls from the billing office of so-and-so, usually day or two ahead of a due-date, especially when we refuse autopayment options.
Well yesterday, received such a call, probably not 25 seconds total, discounting 'this is a recorded call.....' blurb. Next day an email, with lame enticement to report on the interaction with representative 'X' appears in junk folder.
Not one to reject fellow business types [despite immense corporate footprint] hungry for feedback, streamlined the process [avoided canned answers of programmed survey] replied directly to their plea.....-with redaction and emphasis in type underlining.

From: FxxxO <customerfeedback@fxxxO.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 29, 2021 11:01 AM
To: w@hotmail(dot)com
Subject: Requesting your feedback

From FxxxxO

Dear (my name);

You recently visited with one of our representatives at FxxxO, the issuer of your credit card. We’re committed to serving you and your feedback is essential to us in fulfilling that commitment.

Would you please take a minute to complete this brief survey about your experience?

We sincerely appreciate your time.

[here you'd find 'click here for survey' button]
[below that, because haven't talent to generate a poll on their own, utilizing one of numerous poll-generating software offers online]. Gawd forbid true interactions!
We have partnered with InMoment, Inc. to collect your feedback. Clicking the button above will direct you to an InMoment site to complete the survey.

-----------replied with the following, for FREE. used repeatedly, wrote it once, saved to copy paste there on.

"We'd appreciate" is newspeak; translation = 'using your time, tell us valuable marketing info without expectation of compensation'.
Ok, here's mine.....
a) nothing changed customer-facing interactions in past 900 years.
b) I'm surprised that a room stuffed with cubicles of 1-year MBA's is unaware of that.
c) additional consultation is $180 USD, 4 hour minimum.

Respectfully,
[my name aka Toolmaker51]
555-666-7777 mobile

Their email closes with disclaimers and Unsubscribe, nice feature there, used of course. Next page conveys this.
You have successfully unsubscribed from FxxxO promotional e-mail offers.
Imagine my disappointment -- times up!

[Toolmaker51]

In Marv Klotz's post on Extending the range of calipers in Best Made Homemade Tools section, post *29, our WmRMeyers wrote...

A lot of kids don't get abstract. That is apparently something that develops after the teen years, for most folks. And for decades, that is all they taught in school. I hope they someday learn to actually follow the research on what when and how to teach. I wasn't seeing a great deal of it when I was teaching, and that ended in 2012, finally, though I should have realized it was really done in 2008.

Per his first three sentences. Yikes, what is more liberal than abstract? What could be more abstract than liberal?

It's established the young are liberal, naturally. Just occurred to me that is being taken advantage of, by means of slick presentation, abstract concepts 'seem' fully developed and logical, though errant. No different than propaganda fostering indoctrination.
Without exposure otherwise, how will they know?

I have a forced association [relative] with a rabid liberal. This person applauds current administration's push, of labeling day care centers as infrastucture. "Oh my yes, they dovetail right in with electrical grid, highways, construction industry and materials, employment..."
It gets more convoluted, after pointing out infrastructure projects affect the masses; being rather monumental, somewhat freestanding, elemental to first world development.

[Philip Davies]

Quite a journey, this thread. Thanks for some interesting stories. Reading every word has taken half a day. You chaps have very different backgrounds to mine. Going back toTM51’s first post, about the two dufuses and Who, you mentioned “War and Peace” but I found that easier to understand! But what I did understand was fascinating. I came on to the Off-Topic forum because I have a story to relate about management and corporate imaging and wonder whether it is relevant here?

[Toolmaker51]

Quite a journey, this thread......<Snipped>.......... I came on to the Off-Topic forum because I have a story to relate about management and corporate imaging and wonder whether it is relevant here?

ABSOLUTELY! Post Away, to your heart's content and beyond.

It was initiated because I just knew that old poem wasn't far and wide, leading into related tales. The responses prove the point over and over, and humbly channeled my inner Shakespeare (perhaps Coen Brothers instead?) in subsequent posts. Glad to have named it so, was to be called "To" or "For" "Anyone Who's Drawn A Check"